Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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