that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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