And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
