Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
