Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
