We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
