if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
