First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I touched a dick in church today
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
