What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
