It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
