his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
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