I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
