The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
