I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
