She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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