so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
