She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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