i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
