I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
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