I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
