According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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