I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
