its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
