Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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