how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
