Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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