how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
