mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
