i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
