my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
