I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
A bitchslap is in order.
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