i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
