there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Randomize
