He uses pillows to masturbate.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
