i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
