I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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