just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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