We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
