You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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