the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
A+ Viking dick
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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