I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
