the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
