oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
