Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
