Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
My vagina is officially offended.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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