I think I am morally bankrupt
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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