YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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