yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
