cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
