so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
