If i come over, it means nothing
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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