Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
