First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
