road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
