Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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