wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
