You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
