she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
