I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
