I heard we made out
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
