We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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