Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
