Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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