you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
