smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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