In the future we'll all be gay
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
