I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
