THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
