I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
