You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
