Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
