Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
