i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Vodka?
Forever.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
