Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
