His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
