Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
