I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
