what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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